The 7 Year Itch

Updated: Aug 9, 2021

The 7 year itch. Have you heard about this before? No? Well let me explain. The 7 year itch is just a name for a specific point where a relationship starts to feel dull or boring. It is a fairly common crises that affects many relationships. I like to call this a “Roommate” situation. Where you are content with someone being there and you life together, but you do not feel satisfied in your relationship.

Now I certainly don’t mean for you to be counting how long you have been together or the sweating that is occurring when you realize your close to the 7 year mark. Honestly, it can happen earlier or later in your relationship. When you stop working on your relationship, and I mean putting in the work daily, it can seem like the same thing day in and day out. Your conversations may happen less, sex drive decreases or sex becomes a chore, date nights decrease, kids become the center of your world, etc. (Kids are important, but please do not let kids take away the romance of your relationship. I see this FAR TOO often.)

The signs of the 7 year itch sometimes go unnoticed at first or are noticed but a busy lifestyle is to blame or trying to keep the peace. If the boredom continues to set in, the relationship is more trouble than most think. There is a clear lack of honest communication and fear to speak about what you want and what you need. I’ve seen and lived this.

Funny, but I guess not funny, my 7 year itch happened pretty close to that time period. Maybe a year or so early but lasted for a couple years. I have seen this with other clients as well. When you allow this mundane day to day to continue for so long, a sense of unappreciation sets in. You start to lose your self love. You know what starts to look good? Nice comments from other people. Flirting comments from others. Feeling like someone else is filling the gap you have in your relationship.

Here’s another on for you. Have you heard of the 80/20 rule? Your significant other is capable of giving you 80% of what you need. So when someone who posses the other 20% comes around, that 20% looks REAL good and we often forget about the 80%. Here’s my opinion of this after experiencing this first hand. Had I appreciated my husband and worked to make him happy daily, it would have been returned. But I didn’t. We were roommates for a period of time. I wasn’t able to have an honest conversation with him because I gave up. I allowed 20% from someone else make me forget the 80% I was getting from my husband. So I came to this conclusion. Ill gladly accept 80% from my husband. Because I am a lot to handle. (Just ask him) The other 20%? I get from myself.

People get so caught up in the lie that our spouse is supposed to make us fully happy, but how can that happen when we aren’t happy with ourselves? How can we expect someone to love us when we don’t even love ourselves? The day I was honest with my husband about my “IT” (read previous blog if your lost there), is the day I felt free from the negative thoughts about myself. We went through a program ourselves to learn steps to take to save our marriage. We showed up for each daily, forgave, and extended grace. We then left the past where it belongs, and we look at today and the future.

To expect someone to give us 100% all the time is unrealistic. Your spouse will fail you. It will not be sunshine and rainbows. You will still argue. But to avoid the 7 year itch, or roommate situation, you have to fight for each other.

I have a new 8 week faith based course for couples in need of revitalizing their marriage or learning vital steps early on to ensure a strong foundation. Email me at today for your free guide of 3 Steps to take today to improve your marriage!

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